How To Deal With A Rich Friend

Notes From Someone Who Tried

See, we all have the same dream. We want the entire friend group to blow, we want to be going to brunch with the girlies on a random-ass Wednesday in our matching pink G-Wagons. Sometimes, though, one friend gets there first. And whenever money enters a conversation, it has a funny way of confusing everyone else in the group.

We’ve all seen the podcast dilemmas and AITA posts from the perspective of the rich friend (RF) in the group: not knowing who to trust anymore, feeling like they’re suddenly expected to pay for every outing, having palpitations whenever the phone rings because they think it’s incoming billing. We agree, they’re going through a lot. But what about the friend who genuinely just wants to keep the friendship going as normal, with no entitlement towards RF’s new wealth? When your friend gets rich, there’s so much going through your head. Obviously, if you’re not an evil spirit, you’re happy for them. You may or may not experience some non-malicious “I wish that were me”. But one thing’s for sure: you’re aware that things are not the same anymore. So, what do you do?

I asked myself that question when I suddenly found myself in that situation. Texts going unreplied because my friend was now too busy with their glamorous (and extremely financially rewarding) job; calls not connecting because they’re in a different country; plans changed at the drop of a hat because they have to link up with an A-lister instead. Being broke when your friend isn’t (even when you’re young and it’s perfectly okay to be so) is very damaging to one’s self-esteem, so what can you do to preserve your pride and not feel or look like a leech?

1. Don’t ask!

If they want to tell you about how work’s going, how much money is coming in, all the perks of their new lifestyle and whatnot, you can be a listening ear. But under no circumstance should you be the one to ask; you don’t want to look too interested. Rather, ask them how they’re doing, if they want to watch a movie with you, whether they like bread, literally anything other than their newfound wealth.

2. Always have airtime.

You know one thing that can never happen again? Your call being cut off because you’ve run out of airtime. Why? It would seem like you intentionally called them so you’d subliminally signal to them to send you money for airtime, and obviously, they wouldn’t transfer N500. It sounds like a reach, but you have to jump to those conclusions yourself before you hear FK & Jola laughing at your gist next Wednesday.

3. Never decline video calls.

There was a time it would’ve been acceptable to say, “Please just drop the gist as texts, I’m managing data.” That time was when you were both broke together. Now that your friend is rich, important, and possibly even famous, you cannot do that. Even if you’re on the last bit of your data with no hope of buying more, accept that FaceTime. If you’ve been paying attention thus far, you’d know already that it’s because you don’t want to unintentionally signal that you need them to drop something for you.    

4. Birthdays: effort over gifts.

While this mantra is always true, it becomes essential once your person has developed tastes you absolutely cannot afford. Your ‘obsessed with fragrance’ friend that would’ve been over the moon to receive a fake N3K perfume oil 2 birthdays ago has now upgraded to Kayali and YSL perfumes, and we both know you don’t have the capacity for that. So, instead, why not open CapCut and make the most heartwrenching montage of all the memories y’all have had over the years with an epistle about how much you love them? Minimum spend, maximum impact.

5. Don’t mention problems!

I know how this sounds – what’s the point of friendship when you can’t rant to them and lean on their shoulder? The problem is, any real friend would try to find a solution, and your pride can’t exactly handle your gee suddenly becoming your ‘helper’.  So, your laptop is bad, there’s no light in your house, your roof is leaking, and your cat had an asthma attack last night. But when RF says, “Hey, how are you?”, the answer is “I’m fine, thanks, and you?”. Always. Except if you’re actively dying, nothing is going on and you do not need anything, understand?

6. Say no, sometimes.

Let’s say RF has fallen into the habit of buying stuff for you and picking up the bills when you’re out together. If they call you and say, “Hey, I’m at the store, do you want ice cream?”, say no once in a while, even if you actually want that medium-sized double-scoop coffee x chocolate topped with sprinkles and dark chocolate chip more than anything else at that moment. Because you wonder whether they’re hoping you say no while offering.

7. Resist the urge to become a motivational speaker.

When you see RF living their new life, do not take it upon yourself to start giving “remember where you came from” TED talks or unsolicited financial advice. If they truly seek your input, then you can share your thoughts with them. Don’t bombard them at 2 am with texts about what they should do with their own money; that’s just crazy. And also, you know nothing about money because you have none, remember?

At the end of the day, the goal is simple: maintain the friendship AND your dignity. But if the friendship was solid before the money arrived, it usually finds its way back to normal. For ethical and moral reasons, though, I should point out that the friendship this guide is based on still crashed and burned, and I honestly couldn’t tell you why. So please, by all means, add a few rules of your own.